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Tuesday, 1 November 2011

My mother went to the supermarket and bought....Supermix, Speeding fines and Scandinavia stripping.

Firstly Happy Halloween everyone!..Well for yesterday that is.
To make things extra spooky this year, Satan decided to pull the electric fuse on my apartment. We've had so many candles burning it looks like the final scene of Carrie. OK...minus Mama's crucifixion and an inevitable towering inferno (touch-wood).

A slightly less impressive perfromance that that of Piper Laurie's, was my attempt at a Minnie Mouse Pumpkin.
Please don't laugh...I know she looks uber evil and I may have got slightly carried away with her right ear.But this giant piece of orange fruit put me through blood, sweat and tears....Yes I may have pierced my knee several times in the process.
I think my ideas are a little wilder than my capabilities....

Last weekend...(was it last weekend?)...Recently, I and the Incredible Ashley Cameron embarked on another world wind, arctic peninsula, adventure.
26hours driving plus a few coaches, ferries and planes.... for ONE image.
No we didn't shoot at the south pole... but Norway.
Yes, that same Norway a little north east of Scotland.

For 2000KM we listened to a paiful mix of
Mariah Careys - All I want for Christmas
Jimi Hendrix
Doris Day

Rather novel for the first 50km, then one begins to think..."mmm What would mr. Bunny Suicides do?"
Theres only one thing you can do in such a numb bummed situation...
This IS the best game on the planet.
Simple and fun for all the family.

One player begins the round by stating, "My mother went to the supermarket and bought... (something that begins with the letter A; e.g., an Astronaut )." The next player states, "My mother went to the supermarket, and bought an Astronaut and (something that begins with the letter B; e.g., budda bellies)." It goes around and around with each player having to recite the entire list and then adding a new entry for the next letter of the alphabet.
These are some rather tame examples. Making the words as obscure and cheeky as possible, will actually make you pee your pants.

Anyway a few pounds of christmas tree shaped ginger biscuits consumed and many various versions of my mother went to the supermarket, later.
We began to drive through what looked like the entrance to the Himalayas.
Apologies for the shoddy snaps. Aside from the minus megapixel broken Iphone. These where unfortunately snapped at 120km ph, through the steamiest of steamed up windows.
But hopefully you will get the point.
For anyone who has read my past posts on Norway you will notice the huge comparisons in scenery since my last trip just four months ago.
From Lillypads and sun tan lotion to black fyords and ski's.
These two escapades where a total world apart.
On the contrary check out this gob smacking sunrise!
(These babies wernt taken on any Hipsta-funkys-setting. Just plain old boring Iphone)

I was adamant that I strip and sprawl in the road but ashley insisted he'd rather not get arrested....little did he know what was to follow.
But before I come to that...

We drove through some mountains, around some mountains and I think I actually digested some mountains, I felt so God-damn car sick.
 We have been attempting to get to this rock for over a year now. By this point I was thinking it was some kind of myth.
 Then we finally arrived at what can only be described as the film set of 'Shutter Island'.
The place oozed Alfred Hitchcock.
All that was missing was a flickering bulb.

It was an epic battle against time and the conditions but here is what we finally achieved.
I love it!

After such highs we celebrated with left over 'Taco Friday' picnic, watching the waves collide against the mean coastline.
I am very sad to end this story on a low....but unbelievably and breathtakingly my last half hour in this country was spent on the motorway hard shoulder, when Ashley was slapped with a £900 speeding fine!! After 10 solid hours of 120km ph driving to make the only flight back to manchester that day, 25minutes from Oslo airport we faced our blue flashing light destiny.

I am still in disbelieve.
I really don't have the vocabulary or the the time to express the emotions and thoughts that are still trickling through my mind.
The words speeding fine and £900 do not belong in the same sentence.
Looking on the bright side though (although it is quite freaking hard to), if we where travelling just an extra 7km faster we would have been fly-tipped to the road side, watching our car and driving license fade towards the horizon.

Other than that teeny weeny blip, I had an absolutely amazing weekend and I would like to thank my great friend Ashley so, so much for taking such a ditzy little blonde under his wing. And providing me with an abundance of Haribo super-mix and supermodel top-trump cards :)


  1. That shot is totally A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!

    It looks like it should be fake, awesomeness

  2. A person taking a picture of a person taking a picture of the view. Cool!


  3. Excellent usual....just love your writing, Raph.

  4. Awesome rock! Awesome pose!
    I take it there are no other pics of you and that rock. If there are I would love to see them.